Conversations about money and finances can be problematic for many families. Those very same people you grew up with, aren’t always on the same page, especially when the inheritance is the topic, says The New York Times in a recent article “Tips to Ease Family Inheritance Tensions.”
Find a common interest. You may be very different, but you also have a lot in common. The sibling relationship is a long-running one, so focus on preserving or repairing that relationship.
Bring in help to facilitate discussions. If family history makes it too difficult to manage, bring in an estate planning attorney or financial advisor to mediate the conversation. Having an unbiased person to run the show can keep things on track, make sure all viewpoints are recognized and help the group get to a productive conclusion.
Listen to each other. The simplest task may also be the hardest. It’s so easy to fall into old behavior patterns (i.e., the bossy older sister, the brother who goes along to get along). Don’t interrupt each other and check in to make sure everyone is feeling okay about how the conversation is going.
Advice to parents. Even if you don’t have a mega-wealthy family, you may all benefit from having an outside person, like an estate planning attorney or corporate trustee, to be named as a trustee. The more financially competent sibling could be the trust advisor, who can give advice but does not make the final decision. This keeps everyone a little more arm’s length from the decision making.
Talk with your family about money. Inheritances are frequent sources of friction among siblings. Not knowing how they are going to share in the family assets, how it is going to be structured and what expectations are, can create considerable tension within the family. Many families do not talk with their children about money, but that’s a big mistake. Not comfortable with the idea of a conversation? Then write down your motivation for your decisions about how the family wealth is going to be distributed and ask your estate planning attorney to make it part of your documents. It won’t be legally binding, but it may provide your children with some further insights.
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Reference: The New York Times (Nov. 6, 2019) “Tips to Ease Family Inheritance Tensions.”